Happiness, Will You Know It When You See It? Part 3

A key to success is recognizing happiness and defining what it means for you.

EDITOR’S NOTE: This is part three of a three-part series about the impact of fear and happiness on your ability to achieve success. Read part one here and part two here.

If I asked you to describe happiness, what would you describe? Stop and try to think about this question for a moment before reading on.

Happiness seems to have many definitions and descriptions. It is broadly defined as a sense of well-being that includes experiencing a variety of emotions such as joy, satisfaction, contentment and physical sensations such as pleasure, relaxation and comfort.

But is happiness as simple as the experience of pleasure or an absence of fear?

Is a life of pleasure a life of happiness? Is a life without fear a life of happiness?

It is difficult to answer, isn’t it?

Today there is just so much talk about happiness and unhappiness about who is happy and who is not, and about the constant pursuit of happiness. Frequently I hear people say that if only they could quit their jobs, tell their bosses off, leave their spouses, buy new houses, get into better shape or get more money, they would be happy. But how often does this work? Once the pleasure of leaving your job or spouse passes, do you necessarily remain happy, or do you find yourself once again looking for happiness? You often hear someone express happiness after having a great meal, playing a great game or having great sex. The trouble with happiness as pleasure is that once we experience something repeatedly, our brains become accustomed to it and, unfortunately, it loses the ability to provide us with enough pleasure in the future. This means that we must always find new ways to achieve pleasure, or we feel let down the next time, so too much pleasure may not really lead to happiness.

A Personal Definition

How often have you sat down and considered what happiness means to you: what it would look or feel like? Many people define happiness as achieving success financial, business, professional and personal success. But what exactly is success: how much success and how often? If you win a coveted achievement today, will it make you happy tomorrow? If you do not win a coveted award ever, if you do not achieve financial independence or find a gorgeous new spouse, if your business does not make you a multimillionaire, does that mean you will never become really happy? We all know of people who have the resources to provide a life of pleasure and success, and yet we know that many of these people do not report being happy all of the time or even most of the time.

What about those who experience happiness but do not have everything they want? Can you be happy if you do not have what you want? Perhaps some people are deluding themselves, or perhaps they are fortunate enough to understand what they need to be happy. Perhaps that is the first step to happiness. In the previous article, I told you that being able to pinpoint what is at the heart of your fears lays the groundwork for using your fears to achieve success. Is it the same for happiness? By having enough awareness of yourself, can you understand what you need to be happy and not just what you want?

What do you need to be happy? This is a very individual thing. It could include financial success, material possessions, identifiable achievements or being surrounded by people of your own choosing people you like and who like you back. But it is not these things; they are just a part of it. What makes you happy is often understanding what matters to you and being able to understand that happiness is not a moment, not an achievement, not a pleasure or even the absence of unhappiness. Happiness is not a pursuit. It is a realization.

2 Steps to Recognizing Happiness

Here are two actions you can begin today to begin the process of recognizing happiness when you see it:

1) Self-awareness. Watch out! As a first step, this is a doozey. Self-awareness is not something you acquire in an instant; it is a process of understanding through self-honesty and the lack of self-deception. And that can take a while to achieve. The good thing to note is that as you begin the process, you have already taken steps in the direction you want to go. A simple way to begin the process is to set aside 15 minutes a day to think about what you liked and what you did not like in a given day or moment. Pay attention to what made you feel relaxed or gave you a feeling of satisfaction. As you begin to reflect, you gain more awareness of yourself and what contributes to your happiness.

2) Appreciation of others. How often have you stopped and gained awareness of what others contribute to your life? Not everyone offers the same benefits, but you can gain something from every person you encounter. To do this, you want to be present in the moment when you are interacting with others. For even one minute during or following an encounter, stop and ask yourself what you appreciate about this moment and this encounter. As you do this, you are creating the building blocks of appreciating others, appreciating the moment and learning more about yourself.

Happiness is not the absence of sadness, loss or even displeasure. Experiencing loss, the loss of a friend, job, business, opportunity or more is a legitimate part of your experiences as a human being. To experience happiness, we do need to experience other emotions so we can understand there is a difference. Having the ability to remember that you can get past loss or fear and move toward happiness is what can facilitate happiness again. Whether you need to push past fear or experience happiness, your ability to recognize your needs and emotions plays an important role in managing yourself and making choices that will bring you closer to the success you need.

Related content:

Can You Identify When Fear is Holding You Down? Part 1

Know the steps to identify and overcome fear, so you can achieve success’

How to Turn Fear to Your Advantage Part 2

Consider these five steps in the process of using fear to fuel your actions.

Winning Customers By Calming Fears

Sink or Swim…It’s All About Adaption

Great Communication Yields Impact for Small Business Growth

Tara Orchard is a coach, trainer and consultant who applies her insights into people and understanding of psychology to facilitate performance improvements for individuals, teams and business. Working with business owners and team leaders she uses personality typing and social and emotional intelligence assessment to consult on relationship and team management, employee development, screening and hiring, social networking and customer communications. She is currently working on a book about the psychology of successful social networking. Tara invites you to connect with her on LinkedIn, Career-coach Canada (www.career-coach.ca) or Careeradex