5 Steps To Become Less Selfish If You Want To

3)    Take mindful notice:

Really look at other people and things around you. Be in the moment by paying attention to what they’re doing, how they look, what they’re saying and how they’re reacting to your actions. If you don’t take notice of others, you can’t consider them.

Try to switch perspective. Ask questions to determine others’ needs and points of view and listen to what they’re saying.

4)    Actively put yourself second:

Break the habit of being selfish. This doesn’t mean putting your health and wellbeing second. If you have physical, mental-health or addiction concerns, there may be times when you must put yourself first for an extended period of time. However, if this isn’t the case and you’re putting your personal success, pleasure or fulfillment needs ahead of others—and you want to change—you must consciously and actively put yourself and your needs second on a regular basis. Ask others about their needs, listen and take interest.

Do things for others. Offer compliments, give them some of your time or take on a small chore for them. Make an effort to take enjoyment in the accomplishments of others.

5)    Stop chasing happiness:

This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be happy but more that you should stop chasing it and recognize what you have and then value others’ needs.

Actively remind yourself of what you have to be grateful for. This isn’t easy for some people. When you have struggles and times are hard, it can be difficult to feel gratitude. It’s something you may have to work on.

For more on this, take a moment to watch psychologist Shawn Achor talk about the happy secret to better work on TED and learn about the value of gratitude and a positive outlook on life.

Being Selfish Is Sometimes Necessary—But Only Sometimes

I previously talked about different definitions of what it is to be selfish. I said that not all selfishness is a bad thing. Taking time to plan for your own needs, even at times at the expense of others, isn’t inherently bad. Selfishness that doesn’t have the intent to harm others, although others may be harmed, may be necessary at times in our lives.

If, however, your selfishness harms others and you see this, you may want to change. If your selfishness leaves you constantly seeking more and rarely being satisfied, it might be time to re-evaluate and decide if being selfish is what you want or just what you’ve been doing.

The most important part of making a change is wanting to make a change. Once you have that awareness, the rest will follow.

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