Four Ways to Make Moving with Little Kids (Relatively) Stress-Free
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3. Make it a point to say goodbye.
While looking forward to a new house in a new city, I don’t want to neglect the reality of what we’re losing and what we’ll miss about the old one.
My advice is to acknowledge the loss: think about who you’d like to see and what you’d like to do before you go. Think about who you’d like to keep in touch with, and make a plan for how you’ll do it.
Perhaps it’s time to say thank you to the friends who’ve been beside us during this season, or to invite them out for one last shebang, or simply to take a family walk down our street and chat about the things we’ve loved about living here.
I’m guessing it’s easier for our kids to make the transition than for us at this point (it would be more difficult as middle schoolers, or if our reason was something more dramatic); but nonetheless, I don’t recommend lying to your kids about leaving, or brushing past it too quickly.
Give them a chance to say good-bye as well. My daughters chose some small gifts for their classmates at the Mother’s Day Out program they attend twice a week. We told our friends at the library and the doctor’s office about our move, that this would be our last visit. My daughters said thank you. We’re passing along our Nashville coupon book to neighbors, and framing our Music City poster from Hatch Show Print.
I’ll be taking pictures and trying not to cry when I wonder whether our two-year-old will remember this house.
With that in mind:
4. Anticipate bumps in the road.
It’s not wise to ignore the stress and difficulty of the transition. I’m reminded that we’re tackling what people say are some of the most stressful transitions in life: moving, new job, new baby. (Others include divorce, major illness, death of a loved one).
Our situation has the potential to create fissures in our family and particularly our marriage, but the challenges we’re facing could also strengthen and tighten our bond.
Along with accepting the sadness that comes with saying goodbye, I hope we’ll accept the inevitability that we won’t execute this move perfectly: there will be tension, exhaustion, and hurt feelings. I thought I was handling the stress fairly well, until a recent dinner when I snapped over something as insignificant as my husband’s choice of bread.
I shouldn’t have been surprised that I’d reached my patience limit that day.
Knowing that this short season will be trying, I’ve resolved to accept help as much as possible.
The main reason that I’m optimistic (at best) and convinced that we’ll survive (at worst) is that my parents are generously helping with the process: packing, watching kids, driving with us from Nashville to DC, unpacking.
We will welcome dinners and visits from friends and acquaintances upon arrival, not worrying too much about the state of the house and the embarrassing behavior of our children.
We’ll remind ourselves to be patient with the little ones as they cope with change in their own way, as they’re not equipped with the vocabulary or skills to express their feelings about it, and since they’ll certainly sense our own stress and tension.
As for the adults, it falls to us to communicate well with one another, discussing expectations and looking for solutions to the most urgent problems.
You may have noticed that I’m focusing my strategy less on checklists and organization, though the more organized and the earlier you can start packing, the better!
Rather, I’m hoping that by emotionally processing and mentally preparing our family as a team—embracing mobility, saying hello and goodbye well, and giving ourselves grace—we’ll be in a good frame of mind to take a deep breath, and tackle challenges as they come. Let’s hope I can take my own advice.
Have you made a big move with small kids? How did you handle it?
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